Protect Our Powder: The Case for Skinny Skis, Long Boards, Pain Slippers, and No Rocker
#SnorkelDeep in #ColdSmoke
At Cooper Marketing & Media, we believe in preserving the pristine beauty and sheer joy of powder skiing. However, the increasing number of powder day enthusiasts is taking a toll on our beloved slopes. To combat this, we propose a bold, innovative, and entirely reasonable solution: limit the width of skis to 61mm underfoot, ban all forms of rocker on both skis and snowboards, mandate skis be no shorter than 203cm, outlaw snowboards with Magna-traction, rocker, golden fleece, or shorter than 165cm, and require the use of four-buckle 'pain slippers' for skiers and Sorels with ski boot liners for snowboarders. Yes, you read that correctly. It’s time to protect our powder from the hordes of kooks and flatlanders who simply can't ride the POW and, quite frankly, don't deserve the awesomeness of a #ColdSmokePowFaceShot.
Why 61mm Underfoot?
Remember the days when skis were long, skinny, and required actual skill to maneuver through powder? We do, and we think it's high time to bring those days back. By restricting the width of skis to a mere 61mm underfoot, we ensure that only the truly dedicated and skilled skiers can carve their way through the precious powder. This necessary measure will dramatically reduce the number of people crowding the resort on powder days.
Gone will be the days of wide-bodied skis making powder skiing accessible to just anyone. No more will we see the slopes littered with wide skis that make it too easy to float on top of the snow. Instead, skiers will need to master the art of staying afloat on narrow planks, separating the pros from the poseurs.
The Rocker Ban
And let’s talk about rocker – that magical, modern technology that helps skiers and snowboarders float effortlessly on powder. We're officially banning it. Rocker has allowed too many flatlanders and kooks to enjoy the sublime experience of powder skiing without earning it. It's time to return to camber-only equipment, where riders must engage their edges and actually work for their turns.
No Short Skis or Fancy Snowboards
In addition to these measures, we propose that no skis be shorter than 203cm. Remember when length equated to skill? Let’s bring that back. The longer the ski, the more control and technique required. Short skis have no place in the sacred realm of deep powder.
Snowboarders, you’re not off the hook. We’re banning Magna-traction, rocker, golden fleece, and any snowboard shorter than 165cm. Powder days are meant for those who can handle the challenge, not those relying on technological crutches. If you want to ride the POW, you’d better bring your A-game and the right equipment.
Pain Slippers for All
To further ensure only the most dedicated riders hit the slopes, we introduce mandatory four-buckle 'pain slippers' for skiers. Think Lange XLR or San Marco – the kind of boots that turn your feet into vice-gripped blocks of pain. If you can endure these foot vices, you deserve the powder.
For snowboarders, we mandate Sorels with ski boot liners, paired with Zip or Wintersurf bindings. Nothing says dedication like trudging around in footwear that guarantees discomfort and limited mobility. Pain is your friend and will naturally limit your on-mountain activity to 2, well maybe three hours, ensuring the snow remains fresher for others to shred.
Protect Our Pow Movement
We know this may sound drastic, but drastic times call for drastic measures. The purity of powder skiing is at stake, and it’s up to us to protect it. Join us in our quest to preserve the sanctity of powder days by signing our petition to #ProtectOurPow.
Together, we can ensure that the slopes remain a haven for the truly passionate and skilled skiers and snowboarders. Let’s keep the kooks and flatlanders where they belong – on the groomers.
Sign the Petition Now
Protect Our Powder: Keep our slopes pristine and our powder pure! Sign the petition to limit ski width to 61mm underfoot, mandate skis be no shorter than 203cm, ban rocker technology, Magna-traction, golden fleece, and any snowboard shorter than 165cm entirely, and require four-buckle 'pain slippers' and Sorels with ski boot liners. Show your support for this noble cause by signing here: #ProtectOurPow Petition Form.
Petition Form:
Name: _______________
Email: _______________
Ski/Snowboard Size (It Really Matters): _______________
Why You Deserve to Ride #Pow: _______________
Signature: _______________
Remember, it's not just about skiing – it's about preserving the very soul of our winter wonderlands. Join the movement today and make a difference. Protect Our Powder!
#ColdSmokePow #RealSkiersOnly #NoRockerAllowed #LongSkisOrBust #PainSlippersForever #ProtectOurPow